So I know I didn't post yesterday. I have had quite a lot happen personally that made me pull time away from this at least for a day so that I could regroup and find out what I'm doing. The short answer for all that is that I have been rather short-sighted lately and only looking for my own benefits and it has hurt my relationships, most notably with my boyfriend. That was both very grounding and terrifying because I thought that I had ruined things beyond the point of repair. As such I needed time to myself to process and realize that it is not that far gone. My anxiety merely put me in extreme overdrive and made my already dramatic tendencies worse because of course it is the end of the world.
Now that I have had some time to act, I realize this isn't true. And while things were bad, I am finally at a point where I can take control and find balance. I realize that while I need to make sure I take care of myself, my boyfriend does not self-care in the way that I do. Nor does it communicate the same way. I tend to talk things to death, hence my writing, whereas for him it has always been that actions speak louder. I have never had that before with anyone I know. As such I am not used to just doing things, especially if I fear that I will mess them up somehow. Instead I have learned to stay out of the way, but in my relationship with him that does not work. I need to act, and even with my anxiety screaming at me sometimes, I have managed to quiet the voice down. So it is a start.
I have continued with my meditations, I am on Day 5 with that, so progress is good. It is helping me personally I can tell by bringing about a calm that I did not know I had. Other than that things are going well, work seems to be getting better. I have a fully registered car that the taxes have been paid on. And I am getting all my various doctors settled. So things here are good, they are definitely looking more positive each and every day. I can only hope it continues.
Always.
Jenn
No comments:
Post a Comment